A few weeks ago I was working with a new client who is brand new to online marketing. We were going over her avatar and she was struggling with the “one-person” concept. I get it. A lot of people do.
To help, I shared the story of a friend who was struggling 10+ years into her career because it’s not something she ever thought about.
I’ve actually thought about it a lot ever since. And the more I pay attention to social media chatter, the more I realize that a ton of people can benefit from the advice I gave my friend.
Let’s start with this though…
Imagine you finally reach that level of success and income you’ve been fighting for and you are still unhappy. Or maybe you even hate your life or business.
- Maybe you travel too much.
- Don’t get to spend time with your kids.
- Can’t stand your followers.
- Work with or for a bunch of douches.
- Hate what you do.
- Or maybe it’s boring or doesn’t light you up
In the case of my friend, it was the top 3 items on that list. But sadly, I’ve been talking to a bunch of people who can check off every item on that list.
They are amazing, talented, and passionate people who are dying inside a little bit every day. But feeling, and being so far along that it would feel like slamming the breaks on some black ice if they were to stop.
In this post I want to talk about:
- How we get there and why there’s still hope.
- How to move past it or avoid it (if you’re starting out).
- Why this conversation is essential to your business, not just your state of mind and life.
The reason I’m sharing now is because I have seen that the changes my friend has made based on our conversation last year have had such a positive impact on her life, her family’s life, and her business.
It has taken a ton of courage and it definitely didn’t happen overnight. But, she’s been taking it one step at a time.
And based on that experience I am more sure than ever that it can be done by changing one thing about how you work and approach your business and life.
What’s that one thing?
>>> A strong sense of self.
No biggie. Right?! 😆
Why don’t so many of us have that?
Not too long ago we were starry-eyed youngin’s on a mission to conquer the world, to not give in to “the man”, and to be our best selves.
But life got nuts at some point, and from my own personal experience, I can attest to the fact that it’s so easy to lose ourselves during the shuffle of life and growing a business.
First of all, if you’re over 35 or 40, chances are there wasn’t a lot of thought placed on “being you”. Especially not in business. It was seriously the age of “Beige”– where fitting in and being normal was the goal.
So maybe you never even knew who YOU was?
And on top of that, worrying about ourselves tends to get put on the back-burner when dealing with kids, managing relationships, trying to keep a job or grow a business, reaching financial security, or even things as mundane as shoveling the snow.
It’s just so damn chaotic sometimes!
For many, this lack of self shows its ugly face when:
- Kids get older and don’t need them as much.
- A relationship ends.
- Parents start aging and passing away.
- Everything on the “supposed to do” checklist doesn’t seem to be working like expected.
Basically, we spend so much time reacting to the things going on in our lives even though we should have been playing offense.
But … there’s hope!
First of all, I don’t think it’s the end of the world if you’re going through this.
- If you’ve reached a certain level of success, then this shows that you have confidence, determination, and grit. And the relationships and experience you’ve built are more valuable than you think.
- If you haven’t achieved great success, but are still trying, it shows an even greater amount of determination and grit. And determination and grit are essential to online business, so, YAY! 🤩
- If you have a bunch of work experience then you have a ton of transferable skills that can probably be applied in a ton of ways you haven’t even thought of yet. And this applies to you if you’ve been at home, a single mom, or have only had (what you consider) crappy jobs.
It’s all of these experiences that have helped shape you into a well-rounded and super interesting person with all sorts of untapped potential swirling around you.
…I hope that helps you see that there’s a pro to most cons!
Because if you’re privileged enough to even be worrying about this, then that alone is a major pro.
This is how you turn it around, or avoid it all-together
The exact instructions for how to turn the bus around is different depending on the path you’re on. BUT the basic theory is the same for all of us.
Turn. It. Around.
One 3-point turn or U-turn at a time!
Just like the friend I shared this advice with, I too looked around one day and thought “how in the heck did I get here?!”
Then, I spent a ton of time figuring out how to get myself off of the dreary road that I found myself on.
I did a million personality tests, spent an insane amount of money on coaching, and journaled until my hands hurt from writing.
This is the one question I asked myself, continue to ask myself, and help my clients answer when they find themselves in this situation.
> What makes you, you?
It’s not an easy answer for a lot of people. And if you’ve done personality tests and you’re still wondering OR you can’t even do them without struggling to answer a lot of the questions then it’s probably an issue for you too.
Here are the 4 very high level questions for you to start thinking about in order to start finding out who the real you is:
- What am I good at
- What am I not very good at
- What do I believe is important
- What do I think is dumb and pointless.
Then…. accept your answers.❣️
And don’t be surprised if it takes you a really long time to figure those out.
But the first step is realizing that you want a change badly enough.
And if you’re here, chances are you do.
- Decide that you’re worth it.
- And decide that the people that would benefit from you doing this and creating a happier vision for yourself are worth it too!
How will this affect your business?
When you don’t have a strong sense of self, or the confidence to stay true to it, we are creating a life and business based on other peoples’ rules. Half the time we aren’t even conscious about the compromises we’re making to our core values and beliefs.
Why does that matter to business?
It’s those beliefs and core values that help us make decisions and decide on the paths that are more in line with them.
This will mean that everything – from the type of products you create to how you deliver them – are in line with your gifts, your values, and the type of life you want to life.
Now, I believe that when people talk about taking the “path of least resistance”, this is what they mean.
The result is:
- Greater confidence and excitement about what you’re doing.
- Easier decision-making.
- A feeling of being authentic and living in integrity vs feeling afraid of being found out.
- Working with people who appreciate you more. And you are happier about working with.
- No more competition. Because who can compete with something 100% unique (aka. You!)
This is why you feel stuck without a strong sense of self
Without the confidence to create a business rooted in our gifts we’re releasing products based on potential or need. Not what we feel confident providing. And without the confidence, selling becomes impossible.
Without excitement… Well, it’s sort of obvious – right?! Basically, if we’re not excited what’s the point?
And isn’t there’s something really depressing about feeling like you have to be someone else to succeed?!
And besides, if there’s anything that I’ve learned in my 15 years of being online – and losing my business overnight in 2010 – it’s that the only way to beat the big brands is to be an authentic, REAL brand.
This means that:
- You’re someone people can relate to.
- Some people will love you, most won’t care that much about you, and some people will hate you. BUT… those who love you, will LOVE you!
- You have a real personality. Not a boring being “make everyone happy” personality.
- It’ll be scary. But also very rewarding.
And to be clear, I’m not talking about being a empty influencer either.
I truly believe that people want connection. And as smaller personal brands we’re in the perfect position to offer this.
So, basically – by making ourselves happier we’re also creating a stronger competitive advantage in our business.
So THAT is why our businesses need us to do this too.
I really think that the most important thing you can do is decide that this is something that you want to deal with, or make sure you don’t get stuck dealing with down the road.
And then once you decide:
- Do something to declare to yourself and anyone else you deem important enough to share this with that you are making a change.
- Figure out who you are.
- And be patient – don’t be surprised if it takes a really long time.
If you’re struggling with second, I’m offering 1-1 VIP sessions to help you build your own one-of-a-kind Power Persona.
In it, I will walk you through my Power Persona builder and help you work through the 17 questions that make us, us – and how it all ties into our business. THEN help you figure out how to apply it to your brand.
- your look and feel
- your content
- your offers
- your voice
Why is it called the Power Persona Builder
I call it a Power Persona because it’s your innate personality, and living it is what gives you power!
Go here to book your 1-1 session.