I wanted to hyperventilate, throw up, cry …. or maybe all of the above.
That’s how I felt this weekend when I looked at everything I had to do. I was trying to get things done but kept running into technical roadblocks that made everything take so damn long and was frustrating AF!
The stakes are so much higher than they’ve ever been for me and it was just tooooo much for me.
You can blame tech for this breakdown. (who’s surprised?)
Does your body ever tense up completely during times like that? Like, to the point that you’re not breathing and notice your body in all sorts of weird tensed positions?!
At one point I noticed myself holding my breath while leaning forward into my computer with one shoulder raised comically high, my torso leaning to the right, one leg on top of my chair and the other outstretched behind me.
I literally felt like I ran into a wall.
I wanted to sob, and even had a few tears… but honestly, I think I might have been beyond simple crying and had the urge to wimper away to a safe dark corner.
I have been pushing myself more than ever in my life. I’m working longer, harder, and doing so many things I would never have done before.
I’m taking bigger risks, trying to do bigger things, and have bigger hopes ….
It’s not because I’m unhappy or feel like I’m failing.
To be honest, I am happier than ever. And I think I’m rewiring my brain (in a good way).
But it turns out that when you’re doing what you want to do it can still be really hard. Especially when you’re pushing past boundaries.
I would be lying if I didn’t say that I’m really scared and feel all sorts of imposter syndrome.
But, I am still happier. I’m still having more fun. And I’m a lot more hopeful than when I wasn’t changing anything.
I shared these feelings in a Facebook group and I got a lot of support and advice, and wanted to share some of that with you. Along with what I did to get past it.
I used to do what I felt like doing – I’d retreat, grab a blanky and some chips, and tune-out in front of Netflix.
But now that I’m old and wise 😉 I have some strategies that USUALLY work and get me past it faster.
I’ve also added something new to my “get over it” process thanks to the great advice in the group. And I am hoping that by sharing, you’ll be reminded of this one day when you’ve run into your own wall.
Here’s what I ended up doing…
As you know, I started by freaking out in a supportive FB group. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends or family who really “get it” so I find that groups help so much!
I went to a big group, but if you have a small little group of online friends that would work too.
If you’re not already in one – you can try mine! It’s a great, quiet place with kind supportive people.
I wrote it out. Actually, I started this very blog post because someone suggested it in my “freak out” thread. It’s a new addition to this process.
I realized that this experience, and others like are part of my journey and was reminded that it’s important for me to remember this road. And is helpful for others too!
I’ve been on this journey for a long time and it’s so easy to forget how far we’ve come. I wish I did this more over the years.
I also considered how small my stress is compared to someone like Russell Brunson. Can you imagine!!!???!!!?
Take a moment and think of people who have so much more on their shoulders. It’s not about making myself feel better about my life. It’s about inspiring me to be as badass as them!
Then. I left 🙂 I put on some lipstick. Brushed my hair. And took the scenic route to Indigo and Starbucks.
I stopped along the way to look at a waterfall and take some closeups of brown, early spring Canadian nature.
I find that macro-ish photography is very comforting and meditative for me. I think it’s because I’m focusing on something that isn’t me. And I get to focus in on details, but in a simple non-committal kind of way.
I’ve talked to a few people, and it seems like photography (not necessarily close-ups) do this for them. If you haven’t tried it, definitely try!
Then, I splurged on a chai latte and hung out in the cookbook section at Indigo (my favorite spot!).
I also stopped and chatted with a couple of people who commented on my post while I hung out at Starbucks drinking my chai latte.
I think I made a new friend or two because of it too!
Then I drove home, with my tunes blaring.
Omg. This is my favorite thing to do!!! It even made me decide to go see my mom for dinner tomorrow. I haven’t visited in a bit and it’s been stressing me out. So, I realized that the car ride AND actually seeing her would take one small stressor off of my list.
Besides I kind of just want my mommy. She can’t “kiss my bo’bo and make it better”, but it’s still comforting. 🙂
When I got home, I sat in the car, listened to music while writing the draft to this post.
This is how I’m reflecting on what happened so that (hopefully) I don’t let things get to that point again. But let’s be honest, I probably will. This is just the nature of being an entrepreneur!
I think reflection is so, so important and something we often skip.
It also helps me focus on using that crappy-feeling to help YOU instead of being involved with my own stuff. Honestly, I would much rather help you than think about myself 😀
That was basically it.
When I got back into the house my husband was making dinner (yes. I know I’m lucky!). We ate, I had a glass of juice (a treat!), we watched an episode or two of Sabrina (geez, is it ever dark this season!!!!), and I took a bath before going to bed very, very early.
Are you going through anything right now? Send me a message if you want to chat it over! I’d love to talk about how you deal with stuff.